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Bonekickers

Well that was completely, embarrassingly terrible from start to finish. And not even in a good way.

It has pilot-episode-by-numbers so deeply encoded into its DNA that it's as if it was automatically generated by screenwriting software. On top of that it boasts an absolutely stupid premise, hilarious sub-CSI "sexy" archaeology, stultifying attempts at emotional depth and the least atmospheric riff on The Da Vinci Code meets The Last Crusade that it's possible to imagine. The one-dimensional villain and his nil-dimensional henchmen are rivalled only by a cast of heroes written so thinly and played so unconvincingly that it's nearly impossible to believe you're not already watching the Dead Ringers spoof. I'm hard pressed to find a single redeeming feature. Shame on you Matthew Graham and Ashley Pharoah.


Comments

( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
veggiesu
Jul. 8th, 2008 11:17 pm (UTC)
I'm not quite sure - does this mean you'll be watching it next week?
iainjclark
Jul. 9th, 2008 06:35 am (UTC)
Knowing me... who knows!
williamjm
Jul. 8th, 2008 11:56 pm (UTC)
The trailers for it did look bad, although from you description it looks like it is even worse than I expected.

iainjclark
Jul. 9th, 2008 06:38 am (UTC)
Yes, the trailers were not promising, I admit!

I found it actively annoying to sit through. I'm sure someone will come along shortly and tell me I'm being overly grumpy.
ajp
Jul. 9th, 2008 06:41 am (UTC)
I didn't actually watch it in the end (favouring a trip to the pub, with friends) – but had been thinking about giving it a try via iPlayer...

I wasn't at all impressed by the trailers, or the premise, or, well, very much else about it (as presented in the Radio Times): but I thought I'd give it a chance.

Don't think I'll bother, now...
iainjclark
Jul. 9th, 2008 07:10 am (UTC)
Very wise.: -)

It's not as if I don't have low standards. I sat through both seasons of Primeval for god's sake (although I'm unlikely to make it through any more!) All I ask is that they pander to my low standards, not kick them in the teeth.
tinimaus
Jul. 9th, 2008 08:34 am (UTC)
You favoured a trip to the pub over sitting home watching the telly? Who are you and what have you done to the real Andrew John Poulter?
ajp
Jul. 9th, 2008 07:02 pm (UTC)
Funny... Real funny... :-)

(and *hugs*)...
predictivememo
Jul. 9th, 2008 08:45 am (UTC)
So, I'm safe to delete it off the Sky + Box then? ^^
tizzle_b
Jul. 9th, 2008 09:07 am (UTC)
I only saw some bit in the last ten minutes or so when they were swinging on some ropes, over firey crucifixes and trying to sword fight. And it looked terrible there!

I'm intrigued to see if I caught something horribly out of context or if you're right and it's tosh.

So! The reviews?
Guardian say it was ok and to stick with it?

The Telegraph agree with you (and me) and then Independent likewise.

Metro liked it but then they're a free paper so what do they know?

Conclusion? Bye-bye Bonekickers. We shared 2 minutes of bobbins and that was all.
iainjclark
Jul. 9th, 2008 07:03 pm (UTC)
This is no good. People are listening to me for approximately the first time ever. Now I want someone else to watch it so I can compare notes!
tizzle_b
Jul. 9th, 2008 07:15 pm (UTC)
I did watch it! We can compare notes!

Mine?

* It was bobbins from first impression
* Lasting impression was it's totally bobbins and bye-bye!
iainjclark
Jul. 9th, 2008 07:36 pm (UTC)
Yes, those do appear to be my notes.
ajr
Jul. 9th, 2008 08:36 pm (UTC)
The stench of failure coming from Bonekickers is so strong, that most people seem to have managed to avoid it without needing to heed your warnings.

I didn't watch it either, but I did catch part of the bit that Tom saw, with the ropes, and the swinging, and the sword-fighting. And like Tom, I thought it looked terrible. Both in idea and execution - it was so obviously blue-screened, and badly at that, it gave me flashbacks to Knightmare. Except Knightmare wasn't shit.

My notes, such as they are, would probably read: "I am ashamed of British TV."
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )